‘By the seaside’ in assembly…

Towards the end of the school year there is an assembly dedicated to volunteers like myself as a class parent. This might sound boring, & yes for the most part it is, but that depends who you sit with…

I arrived a little bit early so there were only one or two people there waiting to go into the gym. While chatting to another mum I was tapped on the shoulder by ‘mouth on legs’ mum – who as you know I am very fond of & give her this title in fun. She joins in the conversation & we end up sitting together on the far end of the second row. Just before the assembly gets underway I remember to switch my phone onto silent, & she does the same (extracting her it from her exotic dragon fruit coloured bag. The assembly begins…

About 10-15 minutes in, when everything was a bit quiet we hear music – the ‘by the seaside’ ringtone. Next to me ‘MOL’ mum is glancing sideways at us not realizing it’s her. The fact that her bag lit up so much you could have seen it from Mars didn’t seem help. All of a sudden she uncrossed her legs & dived to the floor, while her sunglasses that were neatly holding her hair back fell onto her face & she was whispering ‘I thought I’d switched it off’ over & over to herself.

The assembly continues along to the music as the contents of her purse start to fly around her, & some of the students nearby start craning their necks to see what the commotion is. Those around her, including myself who had front seat view of the entertainment, are now finding it hard to contain ourselves, and then we hear a ‘click’. She had now accidently taken a picture of the inside of her purse while trying to extract the phone. She instantly sat up, phone in hand – now louder & even more tuneful than before – with her sunglasses croaked on her face. She frantically began banging her fingers on the phone with her head tilted back trying to look down under the sunglasses. At this point I am now crying & desperately trying to hide behind the person in front of me so the teachers sitting on the opposite wall can’t witness our juvenile behavior (including hot teacher of course).

Finally it stops, she pushes her sunglasses back onto her head & lent into me to whisper ‘do you think anyone noticed?’ I swear I thought I was going to be incontinent right there & then.

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