Sinking again…

It has been some time since I last did any decorating, years in fact! I think the last time I stripped wallpaper was before I met my husband, nearly 20 years ago. I definitely haven’t done any since being diagnosed with ‘it’. The stupid thing is I thought as long as I took my time I would be fine, sure it would take a little longer, but I’m not in any hurry to get it done. It would appear that time is not going to be the issue, the physical action of scrapping the walls is.

The frustration of discovering you are unable to do something that you never thought twice about once upon a time is soul destroying. Once again I find myself angry at the world & all it has thrown at me. Not only that, but I have finally given into the increasing pain in my knee & contacted my doctor so I can have steroids injected directly into the joint. The thought of this makes me feel physically sick, knowing how awful previous experiences have been. However, I know I will be thankful for it in the end.

Still, I put on my face, & put my best foot forward so that the outside world doesn’t have cause to question the meaning of my sadness. Only those who know know. Sometimes I can even convince myself, just for a little while, that all is well, but as I sit on the bench watching my son swim for his school I am reminded that sitting unsupported for any length of time has a consequence. By the time I leave the pool I am aching, I currently do this most weeks because I want to watch & I want him to feel supported. Then there is also the chatting to other mums, YAY! Something I can still do, & very well, almost too well in fact. I think I have just talked myself into realizing that the pain is worth it.

Then I will soak in a bath, maybe enjoy a glass of wine while writing my next chapter, and then snuggle up with hubby who always seems to keep my head above water when I feel like I’m sinking again.

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