We all have them. You know when you bite everyone’s head off for no apparent reason, get cranky at trivial little things, nothing feels like its going right etc. etc. Well I haven’t been quite that bad today because I’ve spent most of it at home on my own, but I think if I’d had a job to go to they might have put a ‘do not disturb’ sign up on my door. I get this way by something triggering a chain of thoughts that lead me back to the times I’ve felt like I’m about to fall into a deep dark hole.
There has been something chipping away at me recently that hadn’t really got to me the way it did today. Maybe yesterday when reality hit me at the climbing wall it was the beginning of the chain. Today I sat in my craft room & hand wrote in my journal – something I haven’t done in a long time because writing this blog has taken over. I mostly give you the ‘unedited’ me, in which, more often than not, I will drone on about anything & everything that goes on in my life. However, there are some things that need to be aired but not to the world. Some things are too personal & sometimes too painful to share, & most of it wouldn’t make sense unless I wrote a War & Peace sized explanation first.
After some therapeutic crafting & guitar practice I put my best foot forward & dealt with the madness of Tuesday field hockey. For a couple of hours I did my best to push all my anger aside & pretend life is good. Then, when all the kids were gone & mine were tucked up in bed I finally broke down & let out some of that anger. It’s nothing that anyone can fix, I just have to work through it myself – again – & hope that one day the anger will be put in a box along with it’s reason’s & stop messing with my head.