The accident!

Still beaten, but at least my emotions are a bit more under control. After a day of not really being with it, I’m still here, surviving. Everything I’ve done today from Pilates to cooking dinner has been an effort, not concentrating on anything in the process, pre-occupied & distant. But life has to go on, the kids need dropping at school, the dog needs walking, there are chores to be done, birthday party supplies to purchase, school pick-up then rushing off to guitar lessons. That was the problem, rushing as well as not concentrating when I heard a crunching against metal. I honestly thought I’d cleared the post in the parking lot, but you know what those places are like, tight spaces next to concrete posts. I could have cried when I saw the damage I’d done. How the hell do I tell the husband?

Actually, he was great about it, not just because he knows I’m having a hard time right now, but because he knows I’m a very careful driver. I park in those spaces everyday, & have done for years, accidents happen & he knew I was being upfront & honest because that is the way I am anyway. The whole thing, of course, made me feel a million times worse – if that was at all possible. Especially when I had a good look at it & saw the amount of paint damage there was… DAM IT!! Clearly I am a liability at the moment, & therefore shouldn’t be allowed out. Sadly that is not going to work.

Maybe it’s because I’m trying to dry out after far too much wine over the holidays. My levels must be dropping so there is now too much water in my alcohol stream. Of course, I know that’s not the answer, and won’t help me feel better; it would be too easy to drown my sorrows in a bottle. Instead, I am trying to write again, novel number 4. So far, so good, 5 chapters down & flowing well, I think. Not sure where it’s going, I’m winging this one with a plan mapped out in my head. Thought I would just go with it & see what happens…

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